walk out the crib with my mask and my hood up
i'm not here to make friends
...
think i'm better off dead
better off dead
i think i learned my lesson
i ain't tryna change no lights, camera, action
i just wanna live in the moment every second
i'ma find a way somehow
but either way i can't get out
sunlight, sundown
either way i can't get out
burnt out, defeated
man i hate the way that i'm feelin
burnt out, defeated
either way i'm still leavin

what the fuck was that for?
say you never wanted more than this
that's ok, pussy out, run away
and yeah, i understand
i just think it's fucking gay

nobody wants to talk to me
but everyone wants to walk with me
and i always been that kid
maybe i won't be if i lived
long enough, but i think i'ma die now
i just keep it to myself and try not to cry too loud
i just wanna lay my head on your chest
so i'm close as it gets to your heart
we can fall apart, start over again
nobody knows me
nobody knows one thing about me
everyone doubts me
but i'ma make it all come true
and i do it for you
i know all about the pain that you go through

often i fantasize about faking my own death, i
just to see how it'd make you feel
and i'm not proud of it
but i can't get this thought out of my head
and i'd be better off if i
just forgot about it all and moved on

i don't need anybody but myself
i just want to sleep in all alone
i don't need anybody but myself
i just want to sleep in all alone

and i think i've been lyin
to my bedroom walls
and they can tell
i don't know how to be honest with myself
i tried
and they try to tell me pretty lies
and make me feel better
"there's nothing wrong
it's just a change in the weather," i
i been gettin on my skin, you
you been under my skin
and i don't wanna be alone with you
i don't wanna be alone with you (with you)

hey there little jackie
when you wake up
do you think of me?
i said hey jackie baby
when you rest your mind
do you think of me?
these days have been tragic
i'm not sleeping
refuse to eat a thing
i can't tell you what happened
i'm not sleeping
i'm not eating

it's 10:45 it feels like 11:00
crippling side effects of my mindset
keep me paralyzed
cigarette smoke is burning my eyelids
misery is a pain most sedative
how to be alive?
i'm suffering
in endless pain
running through the dark
i'm lost and cold
no sense of what home is

try to keep lookin at the bright side
stared too long it hurt my eyes
i met you at the wrong time
but i can't stop it's so sublime
struggle with the sacrifice
know it's wrong but it feels so right
reachin for the satellites
sisyphus try a thousand times

you will always be a part of me, i
never wanna see you hurt again
you will always be a part of me, i know
never will i be without you

it's never enough
it's never perfect
the stars won't align
so i'll make it worth it
it's never enough
but we'll never be perfect
so just hold my hand
so hard that it hurts it

i move forward, hard head
scary any day you could wind up dead
i put my money in the bank
if there was no savin me, i save a little change
help the family with the pain

that was before my current angle on my brain
that was before i got too busy for the pain
way before when everyday would feel the same

so good luck with your next boyfriend
cause i don't want a girl
i ain't even want a man
i just-- i just wanna be dead (fuck)
i just wanna be dead
i just-- i just wanna be dead
i just wanna be dead

mindless little conversations
i can see you hidin what you're thinkin about
i'm sick of you starin at me
like you're tryna figure somethin out
i fuckin hate grocery shopping
sometimes i can't tell if they wanna kill or fuck me
i left my key at your apartment
and i think i forgot to pay for the parking
i feel so much it's impossible
can't describe it without soundin obnoxious

man fuck you mean?
i been rollin with my--
fuck that, i been rollin on my own

i don't wanna lose sight
"trans rights" 'till it's your kids, right?
i don't wanna lose sight
i don't want to
i don't wanna lose sight of the right
rogan got his spotify sayin
"musk's a white knight"
money won't open their eyes,
but it might just show us who to fight
...
but i don't wanna fight, that's right
cause your feelings aren't important
i don't give a fuck, fuck it's on crack
been feeling like i'm dying and i just might
start a revolution but i'm flagged, like
tweet a ceo: "guillotine makes you short height"

a month that passes like a second with no comment
livin in the present
it's a box that lost its contents
i wake up to their world
where observations are nonsense
i wake up to their world
where the truth is just too honest
i wake up to a world
where everyone i know has lost it all
i wake up with the knowledge
that everyone i like is lost
i'm really okay with the pain and the costs
and they think i'm not sane
it's okay cause i'm not
i said, "babe i'm a pain to you
see that i'm draining you,"
said, "i'm ingrained in you"
get me away from you
"i'm really okay"
as i say while i'm crossed
then you stare at my eyes
and you can tell i'm exhausted
you don't wanna be chained to me
i'm probably a stain to you
i can't contain, asking
"how is it plain to you?"
it's not to me

grew up havin bad rep
look around me
everybody chasing checks
i have no crew
because the cliques just chase adrenaline and neck
bitch i'm numb just like a sedative at best
and i'm pathetic cause i leave the ones that love me for some rest
and i'ma do it 'til i'm finally unaffected
by the ones who make me scared of gettin left
and i'ma do it 'til i'm finally unaffected
by the ones who make me check my fuckin back like every second
and i'ma cherish every laceration gratefully
like someone who was made to take a lesson
cause i'm a masochist
and maybe i'm addicted to the people who can send a fuckin message
i think i left a bad impression
'til the end, from the start
i'm the source of my depression
build it up and tear it apart
spill everything in the session

well i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry
i just can't keep movin like this
my past is bringin me out
and they're pushin me far from my bliss
while they all tryna figure me out
if i speak up, then everybody's hurtin
if i don't, then i'm stuck in the pain
no matter what i do i think i'm just hurtin
so instead i'll sit in the rain

i don't wanna be stuck here all alone
this world's got me feelin i can't find my home

i don't wanna wait no more
open up the gates right now
this feels like my place, so
i don't know where else i can go
might die in my sleep, oh well
just drown me in the closest well
just leave me on the nearest shelf
i tried to get up, but i fuckin fell

i just try to forget all my pain
it never seems to work
hear you whisperin my name
always lingerin inside
always figurin you'll leave
but you've never left my mind
i know we said if we're both lonely in 20 years
we'll drop it all and be together, so insincere

i don't want no friends, i can't trust in them
i don't feel a thing, your word means nothin
i leave the light on our porch
always be waiting for more
i don't want no friends, i can't trust in them
i don't feel a thing, your word means nothin
staring at blank phone screens
waking up with these bottles all around me

every single time in my head i'll stay
where you cannot reach me
you won't have a say
you won't ever see me
please try to be brave
this shit won't be easy
and after all the pain
i hope we can be free

you say it hurts when i don't return
and then you crash and you burn
and it's my fault when you hurt
and it's my fault that the world
decays from something to nothing
my rotting heart is disgusting
weight on my shoulders is crushing
i'm not a god, i am nothing

you say i brighten your life
you're wasting your time
all i have are black skies
and specks of hellfire
think that you're the bad guy
you don't know shit, right
poison on my insides
my name is Cyanide

she holds a sunset room with the drapes so white
the tv speaks as she sleeps through the night
victorian towers birth a small warm light
and the clouds bend down to keep her pale face dry

in the dawn-struck hours, she can finally rise
to roam this prison and to throw her cries
with the jade crown given to a man out of his mind
all the hope once distant has been lost in her sight
back to the wall, she is forced to fight
but a fight thought lost is one that's almost mine
now her blood bleeds hot from out her rolled-back eyes
and her teeth grow out as her claws unwind

the door comes off its hinges in her hands like it was always open
flesh has turned to ribbon as the guards confront the queen of olden
the loyalty once gifted to the king drips out of armor, broken
it's halved in lack of effort, left to rot until the streets are soaking

our queen of old is home
the king shall turn to bone

she holds a sunset room with the drapes so white
the tv speaks as she sleeps through the night
victorian towers birth a small warm light
and the clouds bend down to keep her pale face dry

feels like i'm standing on the outside
lookin in
and i know this body's not mine
to begin with
i wish that i could crawl out
my skin and see the world
and i promise this is the last time
i admit it
these days just seem to pass by
in a minute
a pistol in a small town
we've seen it all before

and i just wish i could go outside
without this fear of harm
and i should probably see a counselor
cause i don't feel too well
and why am i always the bad guy
when i just try to help
this body means nothin to me
at all

yuh here i am again alone
i'm in this big and endless hole
i'm wonderin where all my friends go
i'm wonderin what it is about me that makes everybody leave
i tried to find out forever, must be somethin wrong with me
it's this ghost that i can't hold
i don't know why i check my phone
i know you won't ask how i've been
i fall and melt into the floor
i'm scorched and burnt down to the core
and i just don't wanna do this anymore
(it was nice while it lasted but)

sometimes i'm just tired of wakin up
even though i enjoy life
sometimes i just wish i could sleep forever
i don't know how to tell people around me that i need help
so i keep it to myself
i don't know where i would start
i don't think they would believe me
i don't think i'm gonna do it
but it keeps foggin my thinkin
i keep havin this fantasy where i just delete everything and disappear
nobody remembers i was even here
and never come back again

i still remember that day, i fuckin cut myself
got up out of bed, first object i saw i let it shred
everything was red
everything was bright
everything was shinin as i bleed upon the sunlight
damn right
two days before 18, just a new activity
didn't know what else to do
thinkin this bitch rejected me
certain it was part of the cause,
but not enough to get to cuttin
shit was circlin my head
wantin people to find me dead, like
open up the door, find my body on the floor
you thought that i was sleepin,
but death lurkin and creepin
confused for no reason
everything was good the other day,
now imagine why i'm makin different plans to get away

slit my arms lookin to get away
didn't want to live, i'm lookin to get away
slit my arms lookin to get away
didn't want to live, i'm lookin to get away

the ropes have been wearin thin
untanglin in the wind
how's one meant to grow when walls keep caving in?
the ceiling above us has denied its existence

she said my life seems dumb
but it's not another day
not today
i'll live forever, but not today
it's not up to date
it's not up to me
it's not my fate
she said the night is young
but it's numb and gone away
she said my tears look dumb
but they're here and i know it
she said the night is young
but it's numb and gone away
she said my life seems dumb
but it's young and not awake

i think it's strange
that you want to turn me into someone else
and i ask myself
am i not enough for you? enough for you
and i can't explain
when i go on without you
it hurts me too

h-how come i feel like helping me more?
i must reboot
"stop, act like before"
i think it's time... for me... to go
cause i've never felt so alone
i-i can't think straight
i don't know what to do
i-i don't have a clue
i hope it's not too late
for me to get away from here
away from here

cause day n nite
the lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
he's all alone, some things will never change
the lonely loner seems to free his mind at night

my anxiety is through the roof
girl what do i gotta prove to you
every time you lie i know the truth
all i think about is me and you
me and you

all the times that i said i'm sorry
now i'm stuck alone with nobody
please just love me, kiss me, and hug me
even though i'm stupid and ugly

i wanna be doing something with you
instead i'm stuck here alone in my room
and i got your back
you know that that's true
i guess i'll just cry
it's all that i do
tell me about your day
can i make it okay?
wanna see a big smile on your face
everyday, everyday, everyday

just so lost inside
taking drugs all night
done with living my life
i guess someday i'll die
i just wanna feel normal
i just wanna feel normal

took my secret weapon
and inflicted it on myself
it was then that it hit me:
ended back at my own hell
oh, ashes on the floor
from those things i used to know
i sat down in the corner
right where he used to hang his coat

checking everything
for the relics i had
and for what it's worth
i have it all when i sleep
is this what family means?
is this what family means?

if it were up to me, i would probably leave
split the door in 2 so i could walk through it with ease
i ain't got no destination set inside of me
by the time i hit the ground i'll start to feel it in my knees
stayed inside for 20 years and i can't tell you if it's worth it
everyone acquainted they just know me on the surface
write another body make the header have a purpose
yeah i like the title but the shit you say is worthless
...
i don't go outside if i do it's for groceries and fans
any day now i could die please etch my grave in comic sans

i've had my share of doubts
i've been lost but now i found my way around
i can't keep up this guise
i've been tossing and turning inside like
a storm that won't subside
trust in me
things are much worse than they seem
it's not hard to believe
woe is me
they say that this was meant to be but
it means nothing to me
every night behind my eyes, i'm terrified
all i see is everyone around me
suffering

i am ballin
i am faded...