UAcore

sprigtek - bad impressions

if there was any song that summed up my life in 4 minutes, it'd be this one. the way i view this song, and myself by extension, evolves as i experience different stages of grief and healing from trauma.

아버지 (aka father2006) - tomorrow

an extremely haunting and wistful ambient piece. the genre name of "deathdream" is quite appropriate. my interpretation of the song and video is that it captures the fearful desperation of clinging onto a hopelessly abusive relationship and the feeling of abject loneliness and numbness after it's over.

Sybyr (fka Syringe) - These Colors of Fuckery
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sybyr is so consistently influential to me that there is a whole shrine for him. this song as an introduction demonstrates the typical music he is known for, though he no longer makes them in favor of a brand new style. his songs were an outlet for his deteriorating mental health, and his anguished autotuned howls on top of distorted heavy bass are somehow comforting.

shamana ft. A M A I - just between you and me

if sybyr is my favorite rapper/vocalist, shamana is my favorite producer (even though sybyr produces his own stuff too). shamana is super talented and frequently experiments with new sounds and genres. he always has this signature exaggerated bass. this collab with AMAI never fails to relax me during panic attacks.

Coasting - no added probiotics

this song represents my struggle with childhood neglect and the c-ptsd it causes. the meandering synth in the back fits with the feeling of drifting through the world, lost.

VELVETEARS ft. fats'e & 93FTOFSMOKE - alone

i went through an extended dissociative state for about a year in 2017. nothing necessarily bad happened, it was a pretty ok year, it was just the only way my body knew how to "heal" from my worst years, 2014-2016. i remember bascially no events from 2017, except this song. makes sense, it's emotionally and aurally impactful. it turns out velvet was very abusive to the men in the group all along though :/

senses. - getaway

i love you, senses. their songs, particularly this one, helped me leave my last abusive relationship. their pain made me realize my own pain.

LiL PEEP - we think too much

lil peep is relatable in all the worst ways. he was my idol when i was a teen during my first abusive relationship, but i see now how we were both stuck. his songs touch a deep unhealed part of my past, and i see him as a cautionary tale of how i easily could've ended up if i stayed on that path. rest in peace, goth angel sinner.

6 Dogs - Sprite wit Cyanide

6 dogs was pretty much the first artist that introduced me to emo/cloud rap at the time, around 2016. this song about suicide was only half-released as a demo 6 months before 6 dogs actually committed suicide, and it serves as an intimate reminder to me how many desperate cries for help fall upon deaf ears. rest in peace.

Jonatan Leandoer96 - Dolls Night

jl96 (or 127) is the experimental side project for rapper Yung Lean. rock isn't normally my thing, but this piece is hypnotic. i also interpret this song as a story about an abusive girlfriend who denies him the desire to live at his own quiet pace, denying him immortalty. i wish i was immortal too.

laura les - u x me

my favorite song from the night of fire a2b2 show in 2020. while night of fire didn't necessarily introduce me to that kind of music, it was my first live music show i ever saw, and it ended up being a legendary performance that people still talk about all the time. i remember feeling like i fit in for the first and last time.

TOKYOPILL - E t h e r e a l
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fka metadata, since it's a dnb remix of the 2014 song metadata by tokyoghost777. 2014 was when i really started exploring music as art. it was the golden age of ambient trap, the height of an obscure wave of mixing ambient sounds into harder electronic/hiphop genres. metadata was a hidden gem at the time, and i love how tokyopill renewed this classic to fit the 2021 wave of ambient dnb. it's an homage, and it reminds me how my taste evolves.

BLADEE - Reality Surf

drain gang is pretty good in general, but discovering reality surf in october 2022 got me through a really tough time post-abuse. i don't know what it is with whiny emo boys that soothes me. this track has a whole choir of emo boy whines. listen to your heart (≧◡≦) ♡

Sewerslvt - goodbye
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here it is, the 17 minute song. i think it's a little bit basic bitch of me to say that sewerslvt partially introduced me to breakcore/dnb, but that's fine. goodbye is her very last song ever, she quit right after this. it was spurred by her partner's suicide, who also did the artwork for the final album. this song is the most brutal depiction of loss i've ever heard. you can feel the oscillations of love, grief, anger, and despair soaked into this lyricless track. it's palpable. it feels as though all the stages are explored. it begins with a distorted intro of Mr. Kill Myself, her claim to fame, and ends on a defeated hopeless note. a final farewell tribute to her partner and her listeners.